Today I Am ....

~ Realizing that it's only Tuesday.

~ Realizing that I've felt this way for several Tuesdays in a row.

~ Fighting the urge to eat a third (or would it be fourth?) Mounds bar mini from my coworker's basket o' goodies.

~ Freezing.

~ Happy to be wearing a cute dress, warm tights and my favorite boots, but still wishing it wasn't already fall. (I'm working on it people, I SWEAR!)

~ Glad that I'm able to multitask, because there just don't seem to be enough hours in the day.

~ Wondering when I became the sort of person who thought "there just don't seem to be enough hours in the day".

~ Thinking about this guy I've been spending a bit of time with lately, and when I'll get see him again.

~ Relieved that the event website I've been working on for three days is finally ready to go live (holds breath, crosses fingers and toes).

~ Looking forward to drinks with a friend tonight.

Mumbled Musings on a Monday

Because my ADHD mind cannot focus on work quite yet, and I can't seem to write a coherent blog post, I'll just fall back on good ol' list-making....
~ I had what I thought was a good date last Thursday night, with a guy I met online and had been chatting with for a few weeks. But apparently, he didn't feel the same way; he sent me an IM on Friday morning to say sorry, but he wasn't interested. I appreciated the honesty, and I told him as much. My pride was a bit wounded but fortunately, didn't last long, as I quickly realized that it's entirely his loss. Clean plate! Moving on!

~ DC has been suffering from record-breaking heat, and although I dearly wish I had ready access to a pool, I vastly prefer this weather to the freezing cold and absurd amounts of snow we experienced last winter. (Go ahead, disagree with me!)

~ I ordered the iPhone 4. This is worthy of notation because I cannot wait to get it, and because I am a nerd. I proudly accept this.

~ A long-overdue chat with my sister on Sunday afternoon was a wonderful way to restore my perspective on a number of things. Not the least of which being the fact that I have an awesome sister.

~ Having taken my flex day and fully enjoying my three day weekend, I feel slightly less vacation-deprived.

And.... that's about it from me.   How was your weekend?  How has your summer been so far?

Better Living Through Chemistry

It's taken me a week to be able to comfortably and competently write this, because it's taken me about a this long to readjust to 'normal' after the minor medical miscalculation I made.

Of course, since this is a post about me and ADHD, it would figure that I'd start somewhere in the middle of the story.... All right, let me back up a bit and explain what happened:

A mail-order script for my medication was processed and shipped to my apartment building. It needed to be signed for, but my building manager failed to so. Twice.

After counting what precious little of my (medically prescribed) stash remained, I spent an hour or two on the phone with my insurance company and the post office. I found out that the package was going to be returned to the mail-order people, but I was promised that they'd slap a new address label on it and send it to my office, instead.

Fabulous.

In the meantime, I realized that I was facing going cold turkey off my ADHD medication. But I countered my anxiety by telling myself "This is not a big deal! I can totally focus and be productive with a very low and/or nonexistent dose."

Nothing could be further from the truth.  The first day of an extremely lowered dose was the day after my 5K walk/run,  I was already really tired, not to mention sore and not exactly in the mood to be at work. But other than starting to doze off during a late-afternoon conference call (which was only slightly mortifying) I did okay.

Day two, I was determined not to make the same mistake. I don't know how I thought I'd do better, since I had even fewer meds on hand by this point. Before my 9.30 AM meeting, I had a large cup of tea, followed by a large cup of coffee (which I never drink). But halfway through the meeting, I started to fall asleep. And in a desperate attempt to not to do so, I started shifting in my seat, blinking my eyes ... and, apparently, bopping my head along as my coworkers talked.

"Jess? I see you nodding in agreement, do you have something to add?" asked my supervisor.

I snapped my head up from my (scrawled, smeary) notes to make eye contact. "Nope, just following along," I quickly replied.

That afternoon was agony.  I stayed in my cubicle, determined not to inflict my dazed and bitchy self on my coworkers. But as I bounced from project to project, from attempting small website edits to composing template email responses, my complete and utter inability to focus was driving me crazy. I couldn't get comfortable. Plus, my stomach ached from all the coffee I'd had to drink. I felt mean, tired and had no patience for friendly IM's, silly emails or... well, anything.

When I finally saw my doctor that evening, she wrote a refill scrip to tide me over.

"Why did you do this to yourself?" she asked. 

"I thought I could do it," I replied. "I mean, I do okay on the weekends without the medication."

She studied me for a moment. Then she said: "You're like a diabetic who can't go without insulin in certain situations. This is a real medical condition that you're being treated for. You need to take care of yourself."

I felt stupid and ashamed. But now that I can focus again, I know that she's right. And I will.