My Mom Rules

Last night/yesterday morning, the cat woke me at 3am (shocking, I know). Unable to go back to sleep, I found myself thinking about my upcoming birthday. Which lead to thoughts about birthdays past. So, I started a list in my head about how I celebrated ten years ago, five years ago, three years ago, and of course, last year, when I celebrated the big 3-0.

As I attempted to block the sounds of the cat tearing around the apartment, scrabbling on the wood floors after his little jingly ball and knocking things over, this mini-chronicle seemed like the makings of a really interesting blog post. But, then again, it was between the hours of 3 and 5 in the morning. 

And there really is one birthday story worth sharing: My 21st.

May 29, 2000: It was Memorial Day weekend, I was home from college, and not a single one of my friends was around. And there I was, of legal drinking age and ready to (legally) party.  I was also preparing to spend 10 weeks in New York City, where I'd have an abundance of bars, boys and alcoholic beverages with ridiculous names to choose from -- but none of that mattered, because by then, I'd already have been 21 for, like, a week.

Our family celebration was lovely. We went out to dinner at a nice restaurant, which was followed by cake and gifts at home. I really had nothing to complain about -- and really, I didn't.

But my mother knows me all too well.  (Although I'm sure it didn't really occur to her that I could possibly want to celebrate this particular coming of age in such a fashion that would result with me being sick as a dog.) After cake and gifts were dispensed with, Mom sighed and said:

"Okay, I'm taking you out for a drink."

I stared at her in disbelief.

"I'll be your... designated driver," she said. "Just don't get too drunk!"

Mom took me to Houston's Restaurant in downtown Bethesda. The bar was half-empty. But the bartender and the few patrons there were all too willing to help me celebrate my birthday. They were surprised and thrilled that my mother was the one helping me celebrate this milestone. ("You're really not her older sister? or her aunt?" they kept asking.)

After imbibing a rum and coke, a strange concoction called a "Redheaded Slut", and some drink that involved a shot of jager in seltzer, my mother declared an end to the festivities. As we walked back to her dark blue, 1989 Volvo station wagon, she asked "So, was that okay....?" Giddy, and half-drunk, I threw my arms around her.

"That was AWESOME! Thank you so much! You are the BEST!"

"Just don't puke in my car," she replied.

Single Gal

So, there was a time, not too long ago, when I was in a relationship. That ended, rather abruptly, last October.

The grisly details are not worth sharing. It's enough to say that it was unexpected and I was left heartbroken.  And I still am, in some ways.

I've avoided writing about it directly here because, for a while, the breakup was too painful to think about, let alone write about. It was as if there was a part of me that didn't want to acknowledge that it was over - not because I wanted to pretend I still had a boyfriend, but it was almost as if ... well, if I didn't write about it here, I could just focus on life as Me, Moving Forward.

Not to mention the fact that I felt as though I was spending enough time on Twitter (and in my personal journal, and on my therapist's couch, and into the ears of my friends and family, and the occasional coworker) going over what had happened to me. I gained a great deal of inspiration from fellow blogger Pure Gold Lady -- she's an amazing woman who writes beautifully and candidly about her life, moving forward, after a painful breakup.

But now, enough time has passed that I don't constantly ache. I don't feel like an open wound. I'm not having panic attacks at the idea of leaving my apartment. I'm slowly but surely, moving forward in my life. This has been a long process - and one that is not quite complete - that has included drowning myself in work, getting a body piercing, reading a lot, letting myself stay at home and cry once in a while, and constantly reminding myself that I'm doing okay.

And... I'm doing okay.

 

With Open Wings

Mental Exercise

"There is no snooze button on a hungry cat." ~ Twitter friend whosthatgirl2

Stormy has the uncanny ability (this week, at least) to wake me up approximately 10 minutes before my alarm goes off.  His methods vary, but his latest is jumping up about 5 feet vertically to attack a spot on the wall and loudly landing with a thump and the feline eqivalent of an "OOF". Repeatedly.

Sure, waking up at 6.45 isn't too bad -- but I had another night in which it took a while to stop the litany of items marching in circles in my head. It went a little  something like this:

Never going to be in shape in time for the run - but that's okay, I don't have to be in the run - I would hate to disappoint anyone - Nobody to disappoint, need to focus on what's right for me - Okay, when am I getting the TV from the parents and how - Maybe if I dug my car out - But I don't have a shovel and don't really need to have the car dug out - They said they could help deliver the TV - But what about disposing of the TV - Will have to email building manager again to find out - I hope my car still starts whenever I do start it - But she's a VW, she'll start -  I'll walk to my appointment after work tomorrow - Which shoes do I wear - Roads near me and work are okay, I could wear my heeled boots - But there are still slushy parts and I don't want to ruin the boots - I could wear my hiking boots and carry the heels - Maybe wear pants for a change - I wonder if the site developers fixed that part of the website that was acting strangely - I'll have an email from them about that in the morning or will have to email them - I need to pack for the trip next week - I hope I look okay in a bathing suit ....  [REPEAT]

If I were as physically active as I am mentally, I'd be in peak condition.

On that note, it's time to hit the showers. One thing I forgot to worry about last night:  I have my midyear performance review today.

#snOMG #snOVERIT #snopacalypse

Last Thursday, I left work early - I wasn't feeling too well and was croaking like a frog, which didn't sound too good. As a massive winter storm was approaching, my father took pity on me and brought groceries and medication to my apartment. (I am lucky, spoiled and blessed. I know it.)

The storm hit on Friday and the office closed at noon that day. It hasn't reopened since, as a result of the series of snowstorms that have come through the DC area.

In the past week, I've been able to recover from my cold and catch up on much-needed sleep. I've almost finished reading Bonk, by Mary Roach - which I highly recommend - and have been working on a John Irving novel, as well. My TV died over the weekend, so I've become a bit of a Hulu and youtube addict. And my usual Twitter activities have multiplied (hence the hashtag'd title of this post). I also uncovered some of my favorite Beethoven CD's from college and have been playing them in my ancient stereo. (How retro of me, I know...)

I have been out in my neighborhood to make purchases that I didn't want to request of my doting father - namely, a stop at the liquor store - and have been able to spend time with some of my friends on two occasions. I've even taken care of some work emails.

Dupont Metro 2/09/10

This is all to say that, somehow, I have not gotten cabin fever. As someone who has dealt with loneliness and anxiety in increasing amounts over the past few months, I am pleasantly surprised at how happy I have been this past week. Being sick frustrated me, but knowing that I wasn't going to be able to go to work, anyhow, made it easier for me to give up and let myself... well, be sick. Perhaps I should have taken the time to find out whether or not my gym has been open, but since I've been feeling better, this time off has felt too much like a holiday for that kind of nonsense. (Says the girl with how many weeks until the 10 miler? OY.)

 what would i do without my friends??

Of course, having Stormy here has helped enormously.

Back to the Grind

~ Family trip to Boston was, overall, wonderful.  My sister now has her MFA, and I cried like the proud big sister that I am at the ceremony. I saw her perform (she plays a mean uke) and heard her read some poems from her thesis. We had some quality time together, as well. She had wonderful thoughts and advice to share, and I still get a thrill to see how she lives the life she has created - I mean, it's like we're really grownups, or something. I also spent an afternoon with my friend D and her beautiful children.

~ The MLK holiday gave me a day to reconnoiter myself before going back to work. And to make sure the cat (who was, of course, perfectly and attentively cared for by my friends) wasn't going to exact some revenge on me. And, hooray, my new boots arrived!

~ The extra day also resulted in my getting food poisoning, which required a(nother) day off from work. I'll spare the details; I'm fine now. Stormy seemed delighted to have me around for another full day, even if I spent most of it asleep. (Or maybe because I spent it asleep?)

~ Back at work today, I've been sifting through a week's worth of email, and scanning notes from meetings that I missed. A week? Really? It wasn't until this morning that I realized: I don't remember when I last went on a vacation that was more than a long weekend.

Attempting to Focus

... but since I seem unable to do so at the moment, lets take a look at what's distracting me today:

~ I need to join a gym. I'm going to be running/walking/dragging in a marathon  a ten-miler in April and I'm in awful shape, so I need to get moving. I can't even handle the thought of running outside right now, in this sub-zero weather, so a gym membership it is.

~ My sister's graduation is looming (something that I know must be much more distracting to her than me), and my family will be spending four days in Boston for celebrations, performances, ceremonies, and the like. I'm excited to see her and for this tremendous occasion. I just need to get myself packed for the trip - which I always tend to make more difficult than it should be.

~ I need to stop worrying about how my cat will do for a few days without me. I currently have the following internal dialog on repeat: Stormy will be fine; M. will check on him daily; he will be okay; the apartment might be destroyed when I get back, but he'll be fine. I've already admitted to being a crazy cat lady on this blog, as well as tending towards anxious and obsessive .....so you see what happens when it all comes together.

~ I ordered two new pairs of boots last night, and they'd be perfect for this trip, but they probably won't arrive in time. (sniffle) I'll just have to do my best to look cute and stay warm with what I currently own.

A Few Things I Have Learned Recently

~ That I work with some amazing, brilliant and incredibly insightful people - and not just in the DC office, within my immediate surroundings. The two coworkers who were visiting last week helped me realize this... and I'm grateful to them, because it reinforced my love of my work.

~ That I can make myself heard at work, and should do so more often. Sometimes, I really do know what I'm talking about.

~ That dealing with wintry weather in DC is always going to be roaring pain in the ass, from now until eternity. Because every single winter, the fellow residents of my fair home town are shocked and terrified when it snows, the roads freeze, or the weather forecasters simply predict such astounding occurrences. It's awful and hilarious.

~ That I love having a cat -- my cat, this particular cat -- more than I had expected.

~ That I can't buy all of the shoes that I want, because there are people in my life who deserve holiday presents. Even if the shoes are all really, really cute. 

~ That my lack of patience and need for control simply cannot extend to every single aspect of my life. I know this, I've said it before, people have told me this before, this is not really something that I've learned recently... but I still need to remind myself:  There is a process. I have to do it one day at a time.

Dark and Stormy

Inspired by a post that my friend Ali had written on her blog, I'd written a lengthy description of one of my neighbors. But my need for repeated editing has left it in draft form.

So, I'll take this opportunity to introduce you, fair reader, to my new cat, Stormy:

I adopted him yesterday! He came with that name, and I decided its short for Dark And Stormy. He's about a year and a half old, and so far has been very shy; he's found creative hiding places all over my small apartment and seems to find my overstuffed closet the best place of all. (He went back into that particular hidey-hole after this photo was taken.) But he did decide to be social around 5am, which was appreciated.... even if it was 2 hours before my alarm clock went off.